They say that nothing says I love you like chocolates right? Well I just learned there are so many ways to say I love you…even with tires!
Backing up to a couple of Fridays ago over brunch, a dear friend, suggested that for February, I should read ‘5 Love Languages’ by Dr Gary Chapman. I’m always open for books to read so I told her I’d look into it.
Later browsing through my library app ‘libby’ (a must have for book lovers), I found Gary Chapman had a series and decided to borrow the audios for the five love languages of children, work place, and marriage. It’s common knowledge that every marriage has its up and downs and I figured there is always room for improvement and indulged in the marriage book first.
In a nutshell, Dr Chapman explains how there are many love languages and that our native love language may not be the same as our spouses’ language and if we don’t learn to speak each other’s languages this can cause lots of tension in a marriage. Yet if we learn to adapt our partner’s language we can better understand each other and have a deeper, meaningful relationship. He goes into great detail with examples and stories on the following five languages which I won’t define just out line:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality Time
- Feeling or Touch
After listening to the book I knew without a doubt I was bilingual on my love languages with quality time being 1st, and words of affirmation being my second language. On the other hand without a question or doubt my husband’s language is service. For example, he would feel more loved if I took out the trash than if I hugged him, gifted him something, sat down and had a conversation with him, or told him ‘I love you’. In the same way, ‘service’ being his language he feels that by doing the dishes or a practical favor he’s telling me ‘ I love you’, while I’d prefer he’d actually tell me so or simply spend time with me.
The following week I thanked my friend for recommending such a great book and that it made me better understand him, myself, and us. I totally recommend to every married couple. I realized how much he says he loves me, but had not noticed since we were speaking different languages. It motivated me to try some of the suggestions the book has on the service language and gave me so many ‘Aha’ moments. She smiled and asked, ‘like what’. I replied, ‘Well I think that his language being service explains why on special occasions his gifts often tend to be practical. He feels like he’s being of service and saying I love you. I remembered while dating on my first birthday with him, he proudly told me he bought me new tires for my then used car. At first I thought he was joking but, then I saw he was smiling proudly. I managed to thank him since I know tires are pricy and I’ve never been one to ‘look a gift horse in the teeth’, but I was surprised and wondering if that was a ‘normal’ gift from a boyfriend on your first birthday together.’ Then I laughed as I recalled going to the tire shop at Walmart, and he didn’t look too excited about having to wait up to two hours for them to put the tires on. I on the other hand was beaming and was more excited about spending up to two hours of quality time together at Walmart, than the tires themselves. Yup quality time is my love language 😂. None the less for others nothing says I love you like tires.